Why we don’t always believe victims

A good article on bullies who claim to be victims.

Druid Life

It would seem a no-brainer, if you are a decent human being, that you would listen to and believe people who report abuse and bullying. But we don’t, and it is important to look at why if that’s ever going to change.

Bullies and abusers don’t go along with being called out. They deny everything, or they tell you that they are the real victim and the person who first clamed victimhood is really the bully. There are bullies who, as part of their routine, accuse their victims of attacking them. If two people are claiming to be victims of each other, the idea of always believing the victim doesn’t stand up very well, because you may not know who it is. More thoughts on this over here – https://druidlife.wordpress.com/2018/07/28/calling-out-abusers/

Most of us have a morality that depends to some degree on relationship. So we tend to believe the people…

View original post 615 more words

Calling out abusers

An excellent post on the subject.

Druid Life

When you call out bad behaviour in others, a number of things may happen. A person who has made an honest mistake, or just been careless, will likely be upset but also sorry and remorseful. Decent people called out on their cock-ups tend to own it and try to deal with it.

Whether you’re responding to something done to you, or calling someone out over what you’ve seen them do to others, the results can be the same, although the consequences of that, in turn, may be different. Here are some of the most obvious outcomes and their implications.

The abuser denies everything. Frustrating if you’re an observer, devastating if you’re a victim. If you’ve been shouted at or hit, and then told that these things did not happen, it’s confusing and distressing. If you endure a lot of it, you may feel you’re going mad. Denying what happened is…

View original post 536 more words

The Narcissistic Witch

Unfortunately this trait seems to be a growing problem, Cassandra and I have had clients consult us who are targeted by such people. I have included a link to the following article which is accurate in its explanation and warns of personality traits to look out for when seeking friends or groups within the Pagan community. 
Kelden – Patheos.com

The Cyberbully within Paganism

I am bringing attention to this excellent article from the site of Sorita D’Este as this matter has become a huge problem within the Pagan Community. Cassandra and I have have received this immature behaviour from some and so have other genuine, good hearted friends of ours.

Sorita D’Este – Patheos

If you read this article because you are currently experiencing online bullying, please also consider exploring the following resources:
https://www.bullying.co.uk/cyberbullying/
https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/how-to-report/index.html
https://cyberbullying.org/report
https://www.thinkuknow.org.au/report-cyberbullying

Are Friends who Associate with your Enemy Trustworthy

In my experience this scenario is fraught with difficulties……..
It’s a familiar story. A group of three or more friends, having the best of times. Then two of those three friends begin a feud and the third, innocent party is stuck to choose. We’ve all been there and I know from personal experience it’s hard to tell whether or not you can trust a friend who’s friends with your enemy, but it’s also hard to be friends with two people who hate each other.
For the innocent party who just wants to be friends with everyone, it’s really hard. I personally don’t know if it’s actually possible because I’ve never seen it work out. You’re going to like one friend more than the other, or you’re going to accidentally betray one or the other friend and they’re going to turn on you.
I understand wanting to keep your friends, but unless you can be perfect and schedule the same amount of friend dates for the same amount of time, while also not becoming the middle person for their petty vendettas, it just isn’t going to work and someone is going to end up losing.
Read more here
The Odessy Online

 

 

Understanding Scapegoating.

This is another subject clients consult us about and we have had the experience and ability to help them.
The ego defence of displacement plays a role in scapegoating, in which uncomfortable feelings such as anger frustration envy and guilt are displaced and projected onto another, often the more vulnerable, person or group. The scapegoated target is then persecuted, providing the person doing the scapegoating not only with a conduit for his uncomfortable feelings, but also with pleasurable feelings of piety and self-righteous indignation. The creation of a villain necessarily implies that of a hero, even if both are purely fictional.
Some would say that Satan the Devil was used as a Scapegoat for sins and interestingly they also depict his image as half man half goat.
Read more here
Psychology Today.
.

 

Pagan Community and predators

Good post by Nimue and so apt.

Druid Life

I’ve written plenty of posts critiquing aspects of the modern Pagan community, so I’m going to try henceforth to find more productive approaches. What can we do to mature as a community? How can we do a better job of things?

One of the underlying problems is the attraction and repulsion authority creates in Pagan circles. None of us wants to be told what to do. None of us wants there to be an outfit with the power to police their practice. However, it’s a different matter when some other Pagan is doing it wrong and we want someone to police their practice and make them stop. I’ve certainly been there and I know I’m not alone. Policing only works by consent, (leaving aside situations where policing is rooted in force)and it isn’t something we, as a set of people, are likely to consent to.

We don’t have collective approaches…

View original post 712 more words